Tag Archives: Personal Development

Finding Resiliency In Times of Change

Posted on by

Social distancing has turned the world upside down for most people.  Think about all the change that happened when states, then companies started to adapt the way they operated.  I’m sure you and everyone around you felt the uneasiness, uncertainty and may even have been afraid of what could happen personally and for your work.

Resilience is the ability to move through such change or chaos quickly using the least amount of energy reserves.  Many people equate resilience with “bouncing back” after being depleted.  With change being constant in our daily lives, living in a state of persistent depletion will negatively impact your cells, your body, mind, family and co-workers.  Consistently being in a state of high stress is not healthy or normal.  Stress depletes your cells, muscles and mental capacity internally and likely impacts your family and work relationships.  Fortunately, resilience is a skill that can be learned by anyone.

Preparation is key

You don’t have to wait to be depleted to prepare yourself with enough energy to adapt to changes/stress quickly and get back to living your best life.  Having energy reserves is like having money in the bank.  You’re being proactive and storing energy regularly to have it available when you need it.

Ways to build your resiliency

Here are 4 approaches to build your resilience that you can start today.  Ideally, you will embed these four approaches into your life BEFORE you have a major change or issue.  However, it’s never too late to start. As you practice these actions, they will become natural habits.

Consider your choices: We all have choices in how we deal with any situation.  You can act/react out of fear and negativity or you can choose to look for the positive possibilities in the change.  For example, you have a choice to learn about the COVID-19 virus or you can perpetuate the fear with everyone you talk to.  Sharing accurate knowledge about the disease is more positive than being so fearful you become paralyzed.

Reassess your perspective: Are you seeing the whole picture in a difficult situation?  Is it possible you’re missing information?  Seek clarity to make sure your perspective is accurate so you don’t waste time worrying about something that doesn’t exist.  How often have you assumed someone, maybe a boss, would be upset that you’re 10 minutes late in the morning because it took longer to get the kids to school?  Your manager was likely too busy with his/her priorities to notice.  That’s a wasted use of your reserves.  Do the best you can during the moment.

Prioritize positivity:  We create most of the stress we feel by allowing our negative thoughts to sabotage us.  How often have you had an argument with someone in your head and it never materialized.  Yet, you reduced your energy reserves to have that one-sided argument.  How often do you feel not qualified for a job?  How often do you tell yourself you’re not good enough of a parent?  Replace negative self-talk with positivity to build your reserves. Tell yourself that you’re the best parent you can be.  You are qualified for the job.  Push aside the negative voices and replace them with positive affirmations of who you are.  You will feel lighter and better about yourself.

Practice refueling:  Consider mental, physical, emotional and spiritual activities that make you feel good.  It can be as simple as sitting quietly for 15 minutes to change your perspective or breakthrough a mental roadblock you’re having.  Reading or exercising may help you recharge.  Find what works for you and give yourself the time to practice it.  Refuel your energy daily or as often as possible.  The energy you get out will be worth the investment.

Tips for success

  • Pick one or two of the above tactics and practice them every day.
  • Make small changes and build on them. Make the changes small so you feel the accomplishment and progress.
  • Pause occasionally to look around you and appreciate what you do have.
  • Spend time examining the values you hold. Have they changed?  If so, consider changing where you’re focusing your energy and time to reflect your current values.
  • Treat yourself kindly.

Changing your behavior to build energy reserves can be challenging.  However, you will feel the difference with each tiny step you take.  When you continue to build on each new habit, you’ll end up with more ways of energizing yourself that will benefit you to move through any change quicker and easier.  This is not to say that building your resilience will prevent you from life’s difficult challenges but having positive, healthy habits to draw on will better equip you to move through them.

Your Personal Vision Can Help You Lead The Life You Were Meant to Live

Posted on by

Many people go a lifetime without being fulfilled because they get caught in their day-to-day responsibilities and don’t examine what is truly important to them.  Imagine getting to the end of a long life and then being disappointed you didn’t do more.  Building a personal vision can be the north star for the life you want to create for yourself.  Now that the country is experiencing a slowdown, you have the opportunity to spend some time thinking about your personal vision and creating the life you want.

 

Oprah’s vision

Some of the most successful people in the world have a vision and let it be the beacon when they make decisions in their life.  Oprah Winfrey had a vision of her work representing a force for good.  She was able to realize her vision through her own show.  Around 1990, Oprah changed the direction of her show to be in line with her vision—to represent a force for good. She wouldn’t accept show concepts that didn’t have that intention.  Once she started down this path, her shows became more meaningful and fulfilling for her.  She was able to fill that vision and move on to a broader one of helping people connect to ideas that inspire and magnify their vision of who they can be. (Now, I don’t know Oprah personally, but she’s been clear this is her guiding principle.)

 

Creating your own personal vision

Let me start out by saying that you will not be creating your personal vision in one day.  It takes time to reflect and think of the possibilities and beyond.  Dare to dream and dream big.  Pushing all other concerns aside, think about what would give you amazing satisfaction and joy as you were achieving it and a tremendous sense of accomplishment once you reached your aspirations.  Think beyond your wildest dreams.

 

Questions to ask yourself

  • What brings me joy?
  • What are my values)?
  • After I leave this world, what aspects of my life do I want people to talk about?
  • What do I wish for this world?
  • What can I contribute?
  • What is unique about me? (Everyone has a uniqueness that makes them special.)
  • In what parts of my life do I need to grow?

 

Begin writing

Consider the above questions and write down your answers.  Ponder them.  Make changes to accurately reflect what is in your heart and what resonates with you.  If you’ve never taken the time to identify your values, read my blog on how to define them.  Values are beliefs and principles most important to us, what motivates us and guides decisions we make.  Don’t rush to define your values.  Take the time to get them right.  You will be using them throughout your life on a day-to-day basis and to help you make major decisions about what feels and is right for you.

Once you feel good about your values and answers to the above questions, start writing your vision statement.  For example, my vision statement is to have all people experience their personal purpose in peace and balance with the ability to learn and reflect knowing that there is a higher being.

Write in the first person about what is most important to you, what you want to be, do and feel.  Make sure you incorporate your values like I did above.  Again, don’t worry about it being perfect. You will fine tune it.  I tweaked my vision to have more of an impact on society when I realized I could do and be more than I was.  Our values and vision evolve over time because of our experiences and opportunities.

 

Use your vision every day

Now that you have your vision, use it to guide how you live your life daily.  In my case, one question I ask daily is how my life can be more peaceful and in better balance.  Consider your vision statement when you’re making decisions on how you will volunteer in your community.  When you get a new job offer, make sure that it sits right with your vision.  Does it enable you to live out what is important?  If not, no matter how much money you may be offered you won’t likely be happy.  Your vision can help you live a happy and fulfilled life.

Most importantly, keep your vision and your values within view every day to remind yourself when you’re off track.

If you have questions you would like me to answer, contact me.

Susan O’Connor is owner of Paradise Workplace Solutions and coaches clients on communication and balancing their personal values and passions with their business goals.

Change Your Life and Relationships By Listening

Posted on by

Deep down, everyone wants to be heard, acknowledged, accepted and included. Do you know anyone who doesn’t have these universal desires? Being heard helps people, businesses, communities and our world.

When was the last time you felt really heard? Did it feel like you were connecting with someone, that the person cared for you and what you were saying, that they respected you?

Listening has taken a backseat
Listening can save a person’s life, solve a business’s issue and improve communities and the lives of people in them. Truly listening can bridge differences in our world. Listening can be hugely impactful. Yet, many people don’t listen. Why?

• Think we know what you’re going to say
• Don’t value others’ opinions
• Have physical hearing issues
• Are distracted with our own thoughts, worries, fears
• Don’t agree with your point of view
• Would rather talk
• Don’t think you’re interesting
• It’s not easy to do

Some of these may be valid reasons but it doesn’t account for the fact that distracted listening has become the norm in our society.

What is listening?
Listening is more than hearing someone talk. Deep listening is absorbing what the person is saying, watching their face and body language, looking for their heart’s message and connecting with what they are saying even if you don’t agree with a point of view. When was the last time you really, truly listened to someone, to their voice, their message, their heart, their body language? Listening deeply can give you more information than you would expect.

When I was working inside the corporate world, I benefited greatly by developing my listening skills. I watched the person speaking for their body language, I looked for their passion and I observed the reaction of others “listening.” Frequently, I picked up much more about what was going on by fully listening. I believe it was one of my strengths and helped me reach the level of success that was important to me. Good listening is a part of one’s emotional intelligence level.

What you can do right now to become a better listener

• Put away devices and other distractions.
• If your current situation isn’t conducive to actively listening, then plan another time to talk and listen openly.
• Concentrate on what the person is saying.
• Look into the other person’s eyes. It’s hard not to hear what someone is saying when you’re looking into their eyes.
• Don’t assume you know what the other person is going to say.
• Don’t think about what you’re going to say.
• Ask questions.
• Allow some space between the person finishing their thought and you commenting.
• Show engagement with excitement, empathy, agreement.
• Be open minded.

What do you get from listening?

• Personally, you get to know a person and their motives better.
• The speaker may have information that you can use now or in the future.
• You could be saving a life.
• Listening to an employee could help uncover a potential flaw.
• Listening to a customer could provide you with your next big product or a solution to a current one.
• Listening to your family builds understanding and strong connections that can’t be broken. (Most family rifts happen because one or another person doesn’t understand something that did or did not happen.)
• Listening to your own heart’s messages helps make better decisions.

Listening to someone is powerful. It saves families, lives, businesses, cities and countries. I challenge you to spend 15 minutes a day to listen more deeply and thoughtfully with your ears, eyes and heart.

Susan O’Connor is owner of Paradise Workplace Solutions and coaches clients to connect their personal values and passions to their business goals